Respecting Our Children!!!

So were you able to figure out how you want to show respect to your children?  How do you want to display your warmth, caring and love?  Can you show them you care when you tuck them in at night, or when they are off to school?  Sure we usually think to at least say “I love you” at those times, but what about the rest of the day? 

The following is a continuation of the Respect Rules diagram.  I have filled in the Respect Others section with some ways you could respect your children.  There are way too many ways to show your respect to include them all in this small space.  For now fill in as many answers as you deem important, use the back of the page if you need more room.  In addition to showing respect to your children also include ways to show respect to other significant people in your life, community members and countrymen.  For example:  We are honest, caring, helpful, courteous, dependable, and tolerant to others.  This statement would cover parents, siblings, extended family and friends, as well as all other humans on earth. 

This is meant to be a rough draft of your final document.  That document will include all family members’ opinions of what it means to respect others.  Before making your final family copy you will need to combine similar answers and state the rules in as few words as possible, to make them fit in the space, and more importantly to keep them simple and to the point. 

Respect Others? Who, When, Why, How???

When the Heart 2 Heart Parenting Program refers to respecting others it is mainly talking about respecting your spouse/partner first, and then your children. After respecting and caring for them, then parents would be able to respect and care for their extended family, community, and world community. As I mentioned in the Respect Yourself, What Does That Mean? post, adults are suppose to follow all the rules simultaneously, but here we divide them so it is easier to develop your own, and easier to understand their hierarchy of importance.

So who is the most important person to respect other than you? If you said your spouse/partner then you are correct. The Heart 2 Heart philosophy states that parents must respect one another, and model that respectful behavior to their children. The old saying “children learn what they live” was true then, and it is still true today. If a child watches his/her caretakers disrespect one another, than that child learns that it is OK to disrespect the ones you love. Ouch, I don’t think that is the lesson we want to teach them. Therefore, we must treat our partners with respect, especially within earshot of our children. We also need to insist that our children not only respect our partner, but that they respect their things as well.

After we insure that we, and our children, are respecting our partner, then who do we respect next? That’s right, our children. We need to treat our children with respect for the same reasons we need to be sure that we, and our children, respect their caregivers; they are watching us. If we disrespect them, then they learn it’s OK to disrespect us back, or they disrespect younger or weaker people. This is one way bullies, or worse, gang members are created.

We need to treat our children the way we would like to be treated.  If we want them to talk to us respectfully, then we need to talk to them respectfully. If we want them to listen to us, then we need to listen to them.  If we want them to be honest with us, then we need to be honest with them. Of course, while we are doing this we will always keep in mind their developmental level (age), their abilities, safety issues, and your family rules and values.

So how do we show respect to our children? I have mentioned some ways previously: speak to them in a respectful tone of voice and use respectful words, listen to them, take into account their opinion when making decisions, let them have some appropriate power over their lives, encourage them to pursue their passions. These are just a few ways parents/caretakers can show your children respect. Take this time to think of the ways you want to respect your children.

The next blog post will fill in the Respecting Others part of the Respect Rules diagram as it relates to how parents show respect to their children. In the mean time, fill in the blank diagram with the specific ways that you want to show respect to your children.

The Family Respect Rules in a diagram

As you develop your ideas about what it means to respect yourself, while raising your children, it may help to put your ideas in an easy to read diagram format.  In this diagram the foundation is at the base, and it is carrying the other 2 levels; while Safety First swirls all around.  The foundation is where all family members must respect or honor themselves, before moving up the levels.  I will discuss how a fully functioning adult would use these rules in a future blog.  For now we will go from the base up, just as your children will need to do.  I have filled the “Respect Yourself” area in with an example of how a parent may respect themselves.  There are numerous other answers that could be recorded in this space.  Therefore, it is imperative that you create your own Family Respect Rules.  Following the example you will find a blank Family Respect Rules diagram.  You may copy this blank page numerous times, since your family members will each need their own copy to fill in.    I will go over your children’s respect rules in future posts.  For now use the blank copy to fill in your responses of how you respect yourself while raising your children.  The next post will cover the parents “Respect Others” section.

How do parents respect themselves?

Today’s blog will continue to focus on the question:

How do we respect ourselves? 

Did you answer the question?  Do you now have a basic idea which areas of your life need improvement?  If you answered “yes”, then that is great.  You are on your way to a better life.  If you didn’t answer the question “How do you respect your mind, body and spirit” then perhaps you just need more clarification. 

The following are ways I, or parents I have worked with, have needed to improve on self-respect:  eat healthy foods and on a regular basis, exercise regularly, take your vitamins, see your Dr. and dentist regularly, express your thoughts, feelings, and desires respectfully, stand up for your rights respectfully, say daily affirmations, do daily meditations, pursue your passions, etc. 

On a daily basis we plan our day.  We think about all our responsibilities, yet we are often last on the list, if we are on
the list at all.  The Heart 2 Heart Parenting Program has the philosophy that all members of the family should respect themselves first.  That includes the parents and caregivers.  I will
discuss this in more detail in future blog posts.  For now know that it is not only OK for you to take care of yourself, it is imperative if your children are going to have you in their lives for an extended period of time.   

Each day when I think of my daily activities I think about safety issues first, then taking care of me, then taking care of my son, and finally my day’s responsibilities, caring for others and everything else.   Sometimes these items overlap, or by the demands of the day are they done out of order, or never gotten to.  Yet following this sequence puts one’s list into order according to importance.  

To help clarify I will explain how an ideal day of mine would begin.  First I would awake feeling refreshed because I would have a full 8 hours sleep (my body needs 8 per night), I would use the restroom and say my affirmations.  Next I would do my morning yoga, tai chi, or stretches.  After which I would wake my son and prepare our breakfast and vitamins.  We would discuss our day or goals we are working on during breakfast.  We would take our vitamins and then get ready for our day. 

Throughout the day I would base my decisions on Safety First, then I think of my own needs and desires, then I think of my son, after which I consider the needs of others and everything in our environment.  By following this hierarchy of importance I am able to quickly make decisions which are based on caring for me and my family first, but everyone and everything after that, as appropriate and possible.  In other words I would not continue to talk to my friend on the phone while my son is jumping up and down in front of me to get my attention.  I would know my son comes before my friend on my hierarchy of importance and therefore I would ask my friend to hold the line while I care for my son.   Additionally, I would not allow my son to speak to me in a disrespectful manner without addressing his behavior and standing up for myself.  Again according to the hierarchy, I need to care for myself first.

Respect Yourself! What does that mean?

What is RESECT?

My entire parenting program is based on the 3 R’s to Parenting.  The 3 R’s are first respect yourself, then respect others, and finally respect everything on this planet (as long as doing so doesn’t violate safety rules or your family values).   As we raise our children we need to be sure they achieve each step before our focus moves to the next level.  Yet as adults we are supposed to be mature enough to do all three simultaneously.   I know I just said a mouthful, so let’s break it down into pieces. 

Today’s blog will focus on what it is like for parents or caregivers to respect themselves.  What does it mean to respect you? 

According to Webster’s Dictionary respect can be defined as:

1.  Esteem, admiration.
2. Proper courtesy.
3. The condition of being esteemed.
4. To refrain from intruding upon: to respect a
   person’s privacy.
5. To have concern.

So how do we have esteem, admiration, courtesy, and concern for ourselves without intruding upon ourselves?  Discovering the
answer to this question is one of the first steps parents must take when they follow the Heart 2 Heart Parenting Program.  So take advantage and answer this question for yourself right now.  How do you have esteem, admiration, courtesy, and concern for yourself without intruding upon yourself?  Do you honor your thoughts and feelings?  Do you allow yourself to follow your own
dreams and reach for your own stars?  Do you take care of your mind, body, and spirit?  If you answered no, or not really, to any of these questions it may lead you to areas in your life where you need to take better care of yourself. 

I wish I could say I always took good care of myself, but it took many years for me to learn how to do that.  We all develop at different levels and some people reading this may not understand how an adult could be learning how to respect themselves.  Well because we never learned it before, and now is as good a time as any.  So if you are well beyond basic self-respect that is great, now just push it up to the next level.  We can all improve on our self-care.    

How do you respect your mind, body and spirit?